Comparison Kills Confidence
Do you remember the first time you compared yourself to someone else? If you’re like me you probably don’t. That is how engrained the habit of comparison becomes as we grow up. As kids we may compare toys or clothes or little kid things. As we grow older, the list of we compare grows in number and in depth. Fashion, body size, composition, workouts, success, interest from other people, social media engagement… just to name a few. More often than not, comparison doesn’t leave us feeling inspired. It leaves us feeling bad. It leaves us fixating on all that is wrong with ourselves and right with other people.
Comparison kills self-confidence and can damage self-image in major ways. Validating ourselves against other people can feel good in a moment but the relentless comparison obliterates self-esteem.
The most damaging thing about constant comparison is that it creates a mindset where we start to see everyone else’s success as a threat to our own. Is if they somehow exist in a balance. Like there is only so much pie to go around so we have to compete to have our slice of it.
The truth is, whether or not someone prospers, wins, has success, or possesses some positive quality has no bearing WHATSOEVER on what we possess. Our gifts, skills, and achievements are our own and they come with their own inherent value. Your 5km PR of 34 minutes is no less valuable than someone who breaks 20 minutes. They are not connected.
At the heart of comparison is the desire to be better than we currently are. And this desire is noble and worth listening to. The desire to live with a devotion to evolution and growth is actually how we get better at things. But this means the only worthy comparison we can make is to compare who we are today with who we were yesterday. That comparison helps us improve ever so slowly at a pace that is manageable for us and that honours all the things in our lives. If we waste energy on comparing ourselves to the rest of the world, we will only muddle our ability to appreciate our reality, gifts, and see our potential in things we choose to do.
Our value stands on its own. We are on our own path. And there is so much to discover along the way if we are willing to look within instead of looking outside of ourselves.
